Watch out for those Moms!

Sometime in the future you might find yourself wondering when exactly did the Mom's rumor mill start working faster than ours?  Well my friend, that sad day in the world of gossip was yesterday.

It started out like any other day.  Wake up.  Feed the dog.  Drink some coffee.  Check email... etc.  But around 1pm it took a dramatic turn of events into uncharted territories that could never have been foreseen.  At first it was just idle chit chat, and even when the bomb had been deployed from my Mother's mouth, I did not yet realize the implications.  It festered in my head like an annoying tic.  Irritating, but not destructive.  This means something... but what?!?  Why did that statement bother me so?

And then it hit me... the Moms have overtaken the primary gossip channel!  They have strategically maneuvered and positioned themselves to receive and relay information about our generation... faster than our generation!  Like professional spies, seemingly innocent and benign, in truth are ruthlessly conniving to the point of pure art.  We have been conquered and must admit defeat... for no longer will secrets among us remain privy to our generation alone. No. The Mom's will now not only know those secrets, but know them before us.  Oh the tragedy! Oh the humility! To have to go to your mother for information about your friends?!? your classmates?? your high school crushes??  What has the world come to?!?

The event that lead to this realization was a piece of information my Mother said to me yesterday at lunch that was so monumental it should have circulated among all the former female graduates of Northgate High School within a matter of minutes.  It is so devastating, and yet so... juicy, that anyone with this knowledge could do naught but pass it on... if by nothing else then a moral courtesy to our fellow members of the female gender.  But alas, this information is yet to be discovered by the women it will most certainly effect... it is now known solely to the Moms.  A secret they are keeping to exploit at the right moment.  A secret weapon, if you will, that could bring our generation's female hearts to a stand still.  A shock that will shake our very core and extend to the four corners of the world leaving a devastation path of shattered hearts.  We have lost a true idol ladies.  A God among men.  It is a sad sad day indeed.