Yesterday, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, and today I stayed home from school to avoid him. I just got a call from my mom. Apparently, my friend's mom told her that my friend got suspended for shoving my ex's face into hot chili at lunch. I knew we were best friends for a reason. MLIA
Today when I was doing a little cleaning around the house (because my mom made me) I saw two crows like the ones from that Windex commercial, so I decided to spray the window to get it as clean as I could and then hung a piece of toast in front of it. After five minutes of waiting for one of the birds to crash into the window and laugh hysterically, my brother walked through the back door to the gate and yelled "YO, a piece of toast!!" he then proceeded to run high speed toward the toast and crash square into the window. I peed my pants for two hours afterwards. MLIA
Today, I realised that when I rEaD tExT lIkE tHiS, the voice inside my head fluctuates constantly from yelling to speaking normally. MLIA.
Today I was reading MLIA, one was averaged 2011 times. I averaged it to 2012 and the power went out. I screamed. MLIA
Last night, I was really hot in bed, so I took one leg out of the covers. Then I got scared because it was too dark and my leg felt unprotected from somthing hiding under my bed. So I put it back under the blankets. MLIA
I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreater—but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house. MLIA
Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold. MLIA
Today, I was in a store pretending to be a mannequin. I saw a little girl running around as her mom tried to leave, yelling, "I haven't said goodbye to everyone!" She proceeded to run down the line of mannequins, hugging them all. When she got to me, I hugged her back. I've never heard anyone scream so hard. MLIA
Today, I realized that if all those "Find Out Who's Creepin On Your Profile" apps work, I'm screwed. MLIA
Today at school I leaned back in my chair and it made a farting noise. I casually did it again so everybody would know it was the chair. MLIA
Today, as I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too." MLIA
Today, my mom told me to clean my room because the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow. I'm still confused. MLIA
Today I was driving by the lake and I saw a Jeep full of guys pass me. They were hanging out the windows and the sunroof, paddling with canoe paddles, and singing "Just Around the Riverbend" from Pocahontas. It easily may have been the coolest thing I've seen, ever. MLIA
Today , I went to the new Harry Potter movie with a friend . At the part where Dumbledore died , a man close to the front row yelled "NO!" and ran out the emergency exit door . It made my day . MLIA.
Today, I posted a creative status on facebook and proceeded to sign on and off of facebook to see if anyone commented on it. No one did. MLIA
Today, I was waiting for my order to be ready at the Chinese restraunt nearby. It was pretty quiet in there. Then all of the sudden, I hear "Bitch, you don't know my life!" I turned around to see a young black girl reading a fortune cookie. Made my day. MLIA
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