I will say right here and now, that I have a major problem with forgiveness. I have never been able to master that virtue. I don't know how to get pass being betrayed or hurt or heart broken by someone I once trusted.
Recently I was faced with a situation where I thought I had grown as a person and learned to forgive a friend that had humiliated me. Maybe the circumstances of the humiliation are key. I was ditched and left to spend what was suppose to be an awesome night alone with the revelation that these people who I believed to be good friends, in fact did not feel the same way about me. That all the poking fun and teasing, was not just innocent fun and games, but underlaid with truth. It was like a ton of bricks hitting you right in the chest. Utter humiliation.
Later, I got a relatively genuine apology where the ditcher said it was unintentional. After several "I'm sorrys" I forgave him. And I really thought I had. I continued the friendship via phone calls and text. However, the next time we met and hung out, just seeing him brought everything back. It was like his mere presence made me feel that humiliation, hurt and bitterness all over again.
If you continue to have those feelings everytime you see that person, how do you make it to real forgiveness? How do you get back to the friendship you once had? How do you reach peace with that person? I am at a loss. And I fear there is nothing that anyone can say to me to help. It will merely have to be something I work on with God Himself. Hope and pray that He can provide me with some guidance.
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