Nicholas Sparks

So I've decided that Nicholas Sparks hates love.  He writes these epic love stories and then kills off one of the characters.  I want to know what girl F-ed him over cause it must have been bad!  Its like he dreams up the fairy tale love just to end it tragically.  

I recently went to see Nights in Rodanthe.  Great, great movie... another great love story that ends in tears.  Funny thing is I use to watch these kind of movies and dream about having that kind of love.  It made me hopeful and feel good.  However lately when I watch love stories all I think is am I ever going to have that.  I am completely hopeless.  It's amazing how one experience in your life can effect you so much.  Change the way you look at life, change the way you look at people.  

Should expectations have limits when it comes to love?

Lately I have been wondering whether my expectations for love are too high.  I have always dreamed of "fairy tale" love.  Maybe that is my answer, that the kind of love I'm looking for is labeled as fairy tale love.  When is it settling and when are you being unrealistic?  

I am constantly being told by my friends to give guys a chance.  I seem to get this instant feeling of whether I am into a guy or not, or if this is a guy for me and for the last 4 years I haven't had that feeling.  Maybe I am making up my mind too soon, maybe I should wait a little longer before I write them off.  

What if you wait your whole life for something that never comes?  What if what you want isn't realistic?  Or what if it is, what if there is this great fairy tale love out there and you just aren't patient enough?

Should I listen to everyone else and just date around until I'm comfortable enough to spend the rest of my life with that person, or wait?  I seem to be the only one still in fairy tale mode... you know when your young, you and all of your girlfriends have the same "romeo-juliet-princess-prince-live-happily-ever-after" view of love.  Then as you get older the numbers dwindle down and it seems now at twenty-three, I am the only one left standing.  

When is it time to stop dreaming and grow up?

Action above words

So I recently watched and read "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. He was a professor who was diagnosed with cancer and given 3-6 months to live. He gave a "last lecture", traditionally done by professors who are retiring, however Randy's case was special, it really would be his last lecture. He gave some incredible advice about really living your life and following your childhood dreams. I recommend that everybody should at the very least watch the lecture online.

Anyways, one chapter was about advice he heard from a female co-worker which he said was "pound for pound the best advice he ever heard". His co-worker told him "it took awhile but I finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, completely ignore everything he says and only pay attention to what he does"

I love it!! I bet that every girl can look back on her relationships and at one time or another been hypnitised by what a guy was telling her. I don't know what it is about some guys, but they know exactly what to say to charm you. They know exactly what you want to hear. But these words mean nothing if they are not mirrored in the guys actions.

It's like that quote from the movie Brown Sugar. The main character is using Rap and Hip Hop as a metaphor for her feelings for two different guys. "Rap and Hip Hop are two different things. It's like the difference between saying 'I love you' and actually being in love. Rap is just a word."

Anybody can say "I love you". The trick is weeding out the liars.... and so I say again... to all women out there... don't listen to anything your man says until you have paid attention to his actions. And there in his actions is the truth.... and the truth will set you free.

This is me

I took the Myers-Briggs personality test to find out that I am an ENFP... after reading the description of ENFP personalities I was amazed.  Did Myers and Briggs know me?  I initially took the test in the book Do What You Are by Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron, a career book that takes the personalities from the Myers-Briggs test to match you with careers (great book! I would recommend it to anyone).  Anyways this is me...

The Inspirer....

ENFPs are full of enthusiasm and new ideas.  Optimistic, spontaneous, creative, and confident, they have original minds and a strong sense of the possible.  Because they are so interested in possibilities, ENFPs see significance in all things and prefer to keep lots of options open.  They are perceptive and keen observers who notice anything out of the ordinary.  ENFPs are curious, and prefer to understand rather than judge.  They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things.  Their enthusiasm lend them the ability to inspire and motivate others.  They can talk their way in or out of anything.  They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most of it.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They're constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP's life, and because they are focused on keeping "centered", the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

Imaginative, adaptable and alert, ENFPs value inspiration above all else and are often ingenious inventors.  They are good at seeing new ways to do things.  They have lots of initiative and find problems stimulating.  ENFPs are charming and full of vitality.  They treat people with sympathy, gentleness, and warmth and are ready to help anyone with a problem.  They can be remarkably insightful and perceptive, and they often care about the development of others.  They put more energy into maintaining personal relationships than into maintaining objects, and they like to keep a wide assortment of relationships alive.

Since they find it so easy to generate ideas, they have difficulty focusing on just one thing at a time and can have trouble making decisions.  They see so many possibilities that they have difficulty selecting the best activity or interest to pursue.  ENFPs are not particularly well organized. 

Too protective of the heart

I've been thinking... mostly about my past relationships and past almost relationships, trying to figure out why I am the way I am.  All I can think about is the way I felt and how I acted.  Specific things like when I went to pick up one of my boyfriends from the airport... for days all I thought about was that moment and how excited I was to see him and how I wanted to run up to him, jump in his arms and kiss him.  Then when it came down to it I pulled the up to the curb and he jumped in the car.  How lame!  And this was a boyfriend, not just someone I was dating where you have to play all those, hard-to-get type games.  Yet I was still scared to show any true feelings.  This is how I have been with all guys.  I choke up.

Nothing truly traumatic has happened in my life to make me like this.  I have had my heart broken, been misled, had horrible games played with my head, but nothing out of the ordinary.  I have never been cheated on or broken up with for someone else.  I haven't dated any really awful guys, or been treated bad in a relationship.  I have just always been like this.  Scared to get hurt I guess, which is funny cause I usually end up getting hurt in the end anyway.  

If only I was one of those people who was fearless in love.  I WISH I was one of those people.  I am jealous of those people.  I even try to change when I am in a relationship completely aware of how I am.  I tell myself to just let go and act how you want to act... act how you feel, but I can't seem to do it. 

And I am so picky about the guys I date... and even pickier about the guys I have a relationship with.  You would think sense I rarely commit to a relationship that when I do I would be all out, pda, affectionate, loving, and carefree... but not so much.  Then again, maybe it is my inexperience with relationships that makes me like this. 

Review of Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond was one of the most intense, exhausting and interesting books I have ever read. It put all of the worlds history in 500 pages. I have always wondered what it was that made each culture the way they are and this book answered all of my questions.

Why did western civilization progress so much faster?
Why do we look the way we do?
What happened to make one civilization more powerful than another if we all started from the same place?

Questions like that were all answered in this book... essentially the answer is with guns, germs and steel, hence the title of the book.

Some of my favorite insights were about the initial movement of humans from Africa to what we now call Europe. At this point in time humans were already hunters, however the animals in the north had never seen humans before and therefore had not establish the instinct to fear them. So hunting in the north was essentially picking off the animals like sitting ducks and eventually the large game went extinct. Where as humans developed their hunting skills along with the animals fear in Africa, which is why there are still so many large mammals there. The animals going extinct in the north forced the humans to progress from hunters and gatherers to societies where individuals specialized in tasks for the entire society. And this is the stem of the western civilizations accelerated progress.

After traveling to Africa several times, I had always wondered what it was that made their societies progress so much slower. Some of their civilizations don't even have running water, where as Pompeii accomplished that in the 5th century B.C. more than 2000 years ago. It is really crazy to think about.

This book touches on so many subjects and cultures.. it really is a must read for everyone. I know it can get difficult and slow in parts, but it is worth it. Just push through it and get to the good parts. He has incredible insights into cultures that are overlooked in our world, and into the basic reasons of why we are the way we are... physically, mentally, culturally and biologically. If you have ever wondered why to any of those topics.. this book will have your answers.

LIfe of balance

"I want to learn how to live in this world and enjoy its delights but also devote myself to God"

Keutut said he could answer my question with a picture. He showed me a sketch he'd drawn once during a meditation. It was an androgynous human figure, standing up, hands clasped in prayer. But this figure had four legs, and no head. Where the head should have been, there was only a wild foliage of ferns and flowers. There was a small, smiling face drawn over the heart.

"To find the balance you want," Ketut spoke through his translator, "this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God."

This is a passage from the book, Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert when she met with a medicine man in Indonesia. I think it is a wonderful picture and explanation of something that I also struggle with.

Where is the balance between living your life for God and enjoying earthly pleasures, between devotion to God and devotion to yourself. I am far from the best Christian, I know this. I am too selfish and still very immature. I know the growth and changes I need to make in my life but I have failed to do so.

I guess, according to Ketut (which by the way would be so awesome to meet a medicine man like Ketut and for this and many other reasons I am completely jealous of Elizabeth Gilbert), I need to stay grounded while looking at the world through my heart instead of my head. Duly noted and applied... next step?

Two faces of volunteer work

Volunteering is probably the best and most rewarding thing you can do in your life.  I can't think of anything better than spending your life helping other people and getting to see the impact you have on their lives.  Plus you have the benefit of meeting some of the most amazing, interesting, and kind hearted people in this world. 

I spent six weeks volunteering at Malaika Kids Orphanage in Tanzania.  To sum up my trip i fell in love with 18 wonderful kids.  One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was leave them.  It thought seriously about taking one home with me but thought declaring a 50lb african child at customs wouldn't go over so well.  They were in a month and a half of my life and will forever be in my heart.  I only hope to one day go back to see them once again.  I will cherish ever memory I have of them.  

I have been to Africa once before on a mission trip to Swaziland and experienced the joy of volunteering.  The people were nothing but loving and appreciative and everything in the trip went smoothly.  This experience was some what different and I learned a different side of volunteering that no one really talks about.  

First of all Africa is anything by organized.  Even huge volunteer corporations have difficult times running smoothly to say the least.  There was no such thing as a schedule and the people who were in charge of the volunteer operations in the country were very unreliable and absent.  

Second, I started to become familiar with the way things worked in Africa.  At the orphanage there were two ladies that lived at the orphanage and did EVERYTHING!  They did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, got the kids up and ready for school and put them to bed at night.  They have no days off and hardly any down time.  They are paid $1 per day.  Absolutely ridiculous, I know.

Then there was Amita, the "manager" and "mother" figure for the children.  She was there five days a week from about 10am to about 3 or 4pm.  She spent her entire time at the orphanage sitting in a chair ordering the kids and workers around.  She was completely ungrateful of anything the volunteers did for the orphanage or the kids and further more assumed we would pay for things or buy things that were not our responsibilities as volunteers.  I am a recent college graduate who spent all my money to go to Tanzania, I came back broke and now in debt.  I do not by any means have a ton of money to spend.

I came to realize from my experience and experiences of other volunteers, that places in Africa that frequently get volunteers become so accustomed to receiving gifts and help that they come to expect it and loose the grace and appreciation.  

Just a warning for those who volunteer, because I know it is a lot of time and money, not all people that you meet and help are going to be the loving, appreciative and humble people that we always hear stories about.  And if you do have an experience like mine, you aren't the only one.

Review of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

I think every body knows about The Chronicles of Narnia where it would be a waste of my time to write a review, even though these reviews are mostly for me.  Basically C.S. Lewis is a genius and wrote seven children's books using a fictional world to explain his views about Christianity.  Let me tell you,  I had some very deep questions that were brilliantly answered through a children's story.  

First of all, even if you aren't Christian you should read these books if you are a child or like fantasy.  They are great fun and fantastically engaging.  

With that said, I want to point out some incredible insights that Lewis made in this series.  He did a beautiful description of the beginning and end of Narnia that was to symbolize the beginning and end of the earth as described in the Bible. 

Next there was a passage that gave the best answer to anyone who says that God doesn't exist.  In the book The Silver Chair, the witch is putting a spell on the creatures of Narnia trying to tell them that it doesn't exist and that Alsan (represents God) doesn't exist either.  One of the characters finally says to the witch:

"So I won't deny any of what you said.  But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things- trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself.  Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones.  suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world.  Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one.  Ant that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it.  We're just babies playing a game and can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow.  That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world.  I'm on Aslan's side even if there is no Aslan to lead it.  I'm going to live as a Narnian as I can even if there is no Narnia."

To the disbelievers... I say this is much the same way C.S. Lewis has described in his novel; I know there is a God and I believe in Him fully and will live my life as a Christian because even if it is all a "dream" and "made-up", its a hell of a lot better then a life with no faith. 

Another question that has taunted my mind has been whether Christianity is the only way to Heaven.  It's hard to be a true Christian and not believe that, but there are so many amazing people on this earth that aren't Christian and I couldn't imagine not going to heaven.  Well C.S. Lewis put it perfectly again.  He used a Calormen (non-Narnian who worshiped another God) as an example.  This man was a good man and spent his life worshiping Tash (who really was a demon) but doing good deeds in his name and spending his life in search for him.  In the afterlife he met Aslan and this is what happened:

"I am no son of thine but the servant of Tash.  He answered, Child, all the service thou hast done to Tash, I account as service done to me.  Then by reasons of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I overcame my fear and questioned the Glorious One and said, Lord, is it then true that thou and Tash are one? The Lion growled so that the earth shook and said, It is false. Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him.  For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him.  Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath's sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted. Dost thou understand child? I said, Lord, thou knowest how much I understand.  But I said also, yet I have been seeking Tash all my days.  Beloved, said the Glorious One, unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly.  For all find what they truly seek."

Wisdom like this is found on every page of this series and is good for children and adults the same.  It is a true classic that should be read by all.

Review of On Paradise Drive by David Brooks

On Paradise Drive by David Brooks is a novel about the culture and society of the United States of America.  It is insightful and passionate, but above all it was honest.  There is a trend or fad if you will, that is occurring in the United States today where it is rather "cool" to hate our country.  People think they are profound if they say things like "Our government is horrible" or "We just try to inflict our beliefs and power on everyone else" or "Bush sucks!".  Where there might be some truth in these statements it in no way encompasses what the United States is.  David Brooks has done extensive research on what it means to be an American and has written a book with humor and humility on the soul and spirit that drives our country.

People have different views on this subject that I am well aware of, but this is mine; I have done a fair amount of traveling and experience many different cultures.  I have been to Swaziland, Tanzania, Jamaica, Grand Cayman Islands, Mexico, United Arab Emirates, France, Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic, and Germany.  Now I know this isn't all the countries in the world but it is a fair representation and from all that I have experienced I believe with all my heart that the United States is the best country in the world.  Before people get offended, because I am sure a lot will.. hear my reasoning.  I have loved and cherished every day that I have spent abroad and realize all the things that these countries can offer me that America can not as well.  Like the art and history all over Europe, the beautiful architecture and enriching atmosphere.  Or the simple but rewarding life in Africa where everyone is so warm and grateful.  Or the amazing technology and advanced engineering in Dubai.  But with all this I still feel so proud and blessed that I am a citizen of the United States.  

This is a country that was built on on Freedom and  dream of paradise.  There are things that our country offers that no other country can say the same.  America offers infinite possibilities... it is where dreams come true... it is where hard work pays off.  The United States is the only place where a black person and a woman would be able to run for president.  

Not only does this country stand for greatness and freedom, but the people of the United States are simply amazing.  They are the hardest workers with the longest work hours.  Where our government might not spend the most money on foreign development, our people donate more of their money and time to helping others.  My generation (teens and 20's.... yay for us!!) are breaking history with the amount of volunteer work that we do.  It is now uncommon to find an American in their teens or twenties that isn't or hasn't volunteered at some time or another.  Where one might say it would be to better our college applications and resumes that is not true.  There are now more people in our age group that are doing volunteer work that has no effect on their academic future.

I know people have problems with our government... especially our foreign relations, but I say to you; what country doesn't?  You will always find something wrong with any country, the powerhouse most of all.  

If you do have a grim view of the United States and its culture I beg you to read this book, because it is honest in its flaws and its strengths.  It brings to light the things that we forget about this country and explains it in the simplest form.  

Review of The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis

The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, arguably the most influential Christian writer of his time, gives insight to one of the ultimate questions on everyone's mind: Why do we suffer? more so Why would an all loving and good God let us suffer?  Lewis gives us an in depth analysis of the Christian answer to suffering; that through pain we find strength and ultimately are brought to God.  He analyzes the different kinds of pain we feel, the difference between human pain and animal pain, theories about heaven and hell, and the fall of humans that initially led to sin and pain.  The fact that God gave us free will means that we have choices to make and in order to make the right decision there has to be a wrong decision with unfavorable outcomes.  Pain is derived from sin, which there has always been since the fall and will always be.  God made the ultimate sacrifice for us to escape from sin and be saved.  However with free will we are still given the choice whether to accept His love. 

 

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world".  Is it not true that more people turn to God when they are at their deepest despair, when they are suffering the most, when there is an unexplainable tragedy?  "We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it".  In a sense we are shown the light through our pain.  We learn from our pain... learn things that we would have never understood at the time.  Often the lesson we learn from suffering is not apparent until long after... something we could have never foreseen but is known only by God.  

 

Lewis goes further to state that knowing pain is a necessary step to being saved, it leads to compassion, love, pity, and knowledge... therefore the question we should be asking is not why some good, compassionate, pious, humble people suffer... but why some do not?  We may think we are lucky and superior by being born into wealthy and privileged families but maybe it is the people in remote, poor, and desolate families that are the lucky ones in God's eyes.  They are all the wiser from the trials and tribulations they have faced through out their lives and have a stronger, more intimate and true relationship with our Father in Heaven. 

 

This book gives you a firm grasp on the concept of pain and why it is necessary in this world.  Lewis has great insight into the Christian religion and what it is all about.  His style of writing was difficult for me to understand at times, and sections of the book I had to read more than once... but if even you were to ponder why there is so much suffering in this world... or why you were personally dealt with painful experiences in your life and want to know why, Lewis might be able to give you some satisfaction, closer, answer, or simple insight to this subject.  To these people I suggest picking up a copy of this book.

Response to article by Robin Morgan

The article in the previous post has some really great insights on our culture today that has come to light with the current democratic war between Hilary Clinton and Barak Obama.  It seems our society has come to tolerate treatment of women that would never be tolerated if done in a racist sense rather than sexist.  What is most astonishing is not the actual treatment but the toleration of that treatment by women today.  We don't even notice when we are being insulted anymore.  

 

Robin Morgan is a strong advocate for Hilary Clinton and demonstrates this in her article.  Personally, I am not a big fan of Hilary Clinton, if I had another choice I might not have voted for her, but under the circumstances she seems the lesser of two evils.  My vote for Hilary did not come from wanting her to be the president but from fear of Obama being our president.  His controversial background and questionable views actually scare me to think of him as our president.  I don't know what kind of influence his father had in his upbringing or on the man he is today, but possibility of any influence from the radical, extremist muslim beliefs that his father holds scare me, especially considering that that culture has continually said they were going to bring down the United States from with in.  Further more I was appalled when the story that he did not put his hand over his heart during the Pledge of Allegiance.  This might seem like a petty issue to some people but to me the president of the United States should be the most patriotic person in the whole country.  He/she should love the United States and everything she stands for, because loving the country is loving its people.  What kind of person running for president doesn't follow the tradition of putting your hand over your heart to pledge your allegiance to our country.  I would also think that with the knowledge of his background he would do all the he could to prove his allegiance to the United States.  Finally the news of the pastor of the church Obama attended for 20 years, the man who married him and his wife, who baptized his children... also has these crazy radical views about certain races.  For Obama to say that this man had no influence in his life, that he doesn't agree with this mans views would be a lie.  There are countless number of churches one can choose to go to and the church you choose is one where you feel at home and can learn and grow as a person, especially if you stay there for 20 odd years.  To conclude I do not feel comfortable with Obama being the president of the United States, I don't care how good of a public speaker he is. 

 

Finally I think that every person interested in politics and the battle for the democratic presidential candidate... or any woman for that matter... should read the article "Goodbye To All That No. 2" by Robin Morgan.

Great feminist article on the upcoming election

Goodbye To All That (#2)   by Robin Morgan

During my decades in civil-rights, anti-war, and contemporary women’s movements, I’ve avoided writing another specific “Goodbye . . .” But not since the suffrage struggle have two communities—joint conscience-keepers of this country—been so set in competition, as the contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) and Barack Obama (BO) unfurls. So.

Goodbye to the double standard . . .

—Hillary is too ballsy but too womanly, a Snow Maiden who’s emotional, and so much a politician as to be unfit for politics.

—She’s “ambitious” but he shows “fire in the belly.” (Ever had labor pains?)—When a sexist idiot screamed “Iron my shirt!” at HRC, it was considered amusing; if a racist idiot shouted “Shine my shoes!” at BO, it would’ve inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor.

—Young political Kennedys—Kathleen, Kerry, and Bobby Jr.—all endorsed Hillary. Senator Ted, age 76, endorsed Obama. If the situation were reversed, pundits would snort “See? Ted and establishment types back her, but the forward-looking generation backs him.” (Personally, I’m unimpressed with Caroline’s longing for the Return of the Fathers. Unlike the rest of the world, Americans have short memories. Me, I still recall Marilyn Monroe’s suicide, and a dead girl named Mary Jo Kopechne in Chappaquiddick.)

Goodbye to the toxic viciousness  . . .

Carl Bernstein's disgust at Hillary’s “thick ankles.” Nixon-trickster Roger Stone’s new Hillary-hating 527 group, “Citizens United Not Timid” (check the capital letters). John McCain answering “How do we beat the bitch?" with “Excellent question!” Would he have dared reply similarly to “How do we beat the black bastard?” For shame.

Goodbye to the HRC nutcracker with metal spikes between splayed thighs. If it was a tap-dancing blackface doll, we would be righteously outraged—and they would not be selling it in airports. Shame.

Goodbye to the most intimately violent T-shirts in election history, including one with the murderous slogan “If Only Hillary had married O.J. Instead!” Shame. 

Goodbye to Comedy Central’s “Southpark” featuring a storyline in which terrorists secrete a bomb in HRC’s vagina. I refuse to wrench my brain down into the gutter far enough to find a race-based comparison. For shame. 

Goodbye to the sick, malicious idea that this is funny. This is not “Clinton hating,” not “Hillary hating.” This is sociopathic woman-hating. If it were about Jews, we would recognize it instantly as anti-Semitic propaganda; if about race, as KKK poison.  Hell, PETA would go ballistic if such vomitous spew were directed at animals. Where is our sense of outrage—as citizens, voters, Americans?

Goodbye to the news-coverage target-practice . . .

The women’s movement and Media Matters wrung an apology from MSNBC’s Chris Matthews for relentless misogynistic comments (www.womensmediacenter.com). But what about NBC’s Tim Russert’s continual sexist asides and his all-white-male panels pontificating on race and gender? Or CNN’s Tony Harris chuckling at “the chromosome thing” while interviewing a woman from The White House Project? And that’s not even mentioningFox News.

Goodbye to pretending the black community is entirely male and all women are white . . .

Surprise! Women exist in all opinions, pigmentations, ethnicities, abilities, sexual preferences, and ages—not only African American and European American but Latina and Native American, Asian American and Pacific Islanders, Arab American and—hey, every group, because a group wouldn’t exist if we hadn’t given birth to it. A few non-racist countries may exist—but sexism is everywhere. No matter how many ways a woman breaks free from other discriminations, she remains a female human being in a world still so patriarchal that it’s the “norm.”

So why should all women not be as justly proud of our womanhood and the centuries, even millennia, of struggle that got us this far, as black Americans, women and men, are justly proud of their struggles?

Goodbye to a campaign where he has to pass as white (which whites—especially wealthy ones—adore), while she has to pass as male (which both men and women demanded of her, and then found unforgivable). If she were blackor he were female we wouldn’t be having such problems, and I for one would be in heaven. But at present such a candidate wouldn’t stand a chance—even if she shared Condi Rice’s Bush-defending politics. 

I was celebrating the pivotal power at last focused on African American women deciding on which of two candidates to bestow their vote—until a number of Hillary-supporting black feminists told me they’re being called “race traitors.”

So goodbye to conversations about this nation’s deepest scar—slavery—which fail to acknowledge that labor- and sexual-slavery exist today in the U.S. and elsewhere on this planet, and the majority of those enslaved are women.

Women have endured sex/race/ethnic/religious hatred, rape and battery, invasion of spirit and flesh, forced pregnancy; being the majority of the poor, the illiterate, the disabled, of refugees, caregivers, the HIV/AIDS afflicted, the powerless. We have survived invisibility, ridicule, religious fundamentalisms, polygamy, teargas, forced feedings, jails, asylums, sati, purdah, female genital mutilation, witch burnings, stonings, and attempted gynocides. We have tried reason, persuasion, reassurances, and being extra-qualified, only to learn it never was about qualifications after all. We know that at this historical moment women experience the world differently from men—though not all the same as one another—and can govern differently, from Elizabeth Tudor to Michele Bachelet and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.

We remember when Shirley Chisholm and Patricia Schroeder ran for this high office and barely got past the gate—they showed too much passion, raised too little cash, were joke fodder. Goodbye to all that. (And goodbye to some feminists so famished for a female president they were even willing to abandon women’s rights in backing Elizabeth Dole.)

Goodbye, goodbye to . . .

—blaming anything Bill Clinton does on Hillary (even including his womanizing like the Kennedy guys—though unlike them, he got reported on). Let’s get real. If he hadn’t campaigned strongly for her everyone would cluck over what that meant. Enough of Bill and Teddy Kennedy locking their alpha male horns while Hillary pays for it.

—an era when parts of the populace feel so disaffected by politics that a comparative lack of knowledge, experience, and skill is actually seen as attractive, when celebrity-culture mania now infects our elections so that it’s “cooler” to glow with marquee charisma than to understand the vast global complexities of power on a nuclear, wounded planet.

—the notion that it’s fun to elect a handsome, cocky president who feels he can learn on the job, goodbye to George W. Bush and the destruction brought by his inexperience, ignorance, and arrogance.  Goodbye to the accusation that HRC acts “entitled” when she’s worked intensely at everything she’s done—including being a nose-to-the-grindstone, first-rate senator from my state.

Goodbye to her being exploited as a Rorschach test by women who reduce her to a blank screen on which they project their own fears, failures, fantasies.  

Goodbye to the phrase “polarizing figure” to describe someone who embodies the transitions women have made in the last century and are poised to make in this one. It was the women’s movement that quipped, “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” She heard us, and she has. 

Goodbye to some women letting history pass by while wringing their hands, because Hillary isn’t as “likeable” as they’ve been warned they must be, or because she didn’t leave him, couldn’t “control” him, kept her family together and raised a smart, sane daughter. (Think of the blame if Chelsea had ever acted in the alcoholic, neurotic manner of the Bush twins!) Goodbye to some women pouting because she didn’t bake cookies or she did, sniping because she learned the rules and then bent or broke them. Grow the hell up. She is not running for Ms.-perfect-pure-queen-icon of the feminist movement.  She’s running to be president of the United States.

Goodbye to the shocking American ignorance of our own and other countries’ history. Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir rose through party ranks and war, positioning themselves as proto-male leaders. Almost all other female heads of government so far have been related to men of power—granddaughters, daughters, sisters, wives, widows: Gandhi, Bandaranike, Bhutto, Aquino, Chamorro, Wazed, Macapagal-Arroyo, Johnson Sirleaf, Bachelet, Kirchner, and more. Even in our “land of opportunity,” it’s mostly the first pathway “in” permitted to women: Representatives Doris Matsui and Mary Bono and Sala Burton; Senator Jean Carnahan . . . far too many to list here.

Goodbye to a misrepresented generational divide . . .

Goodbye to the so-called spontaneous “Obama Girl” flaunting her bikini-clad ass online—then confessing Oh yeah it wasn’t her idea after all, some guys got her to do it and dictated the clothes, which she said “made me feel like a dork.” 

Goodbye to some young women eager to win male approval by showing they’re not feminists (at least not the kind who actually threaten thestatus quo), who can’t identify with a woman candidate because she is unafraid ofeeueweeeu yucky power, who fear their boyfriends might look at them funny if they say something good about her. Goodbye to women of any age again feeling unworthy, sulking “what if she’s not electable?” or “maybe it’s post-feminism and whoooosh we’re already free.” Let a statement by the magnificent Harriet Tubman stand as reply. When asked how she managed to save hundreds of enslaved African Americans via the Underground Railroad during the Civil War, she replied bitterly, “I could have saved thousands—if only I’d been able to convince them they were slaves.”

I’d rather say a joyful Hello to all the glorious young women who do identifywith Hillary, and all the brave, smart men—of all ethnicities and any age—who get that it’s in their self-interest, too. She’s better qualified. (D’uh.)She’s a high-profile candidate with an enormous grasp of foreign- and domestic-policy nuance, dedication to detail, ability to absorb staggering insult and personal pain while retaining dignity, resolve, even humor, and keep on keeping on. (Also, yes, dammit, let’s hear it for her connections and funding and party-building background, too. Obama was awfully glad about those when she raised dough and campaigned for him to get to the Senate in the first place.)  

I’d rather look forward to what a good president he might make in eight years, when his vision and spirit are seasoned by practical know-how—and he’ll be all of 54. Meanwhile, goodbye to turning him into a shining knight when actually he’s an astute, smooth pol with speechwriters who’ve worked with the Kennedys’ own speechwriter-courtier Ted Sorenson. If it’s only about ringing rhetoric, let speechwriters run. But isn’t it about getting the policies we want enacted?

And goodbye to the ageism . . .

How dare anyone unilaterally decide when to turn the page on history, papering over real inequities and suffering constituencies in the promise of a feel-good campaign? How dare anyone claim to unify while dividing, or think that to rouse U.S. youth from torpor it’s useful to triage the single largest demographic in this country’s history: the boomer generation—the majority of which is female?

Old woman are the one group that doesn’t grow more conservative with age—and we are the generation of radicals who said “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Goodbye to going gently into any goodnight any man prescribes for us. We are the women who changed the reality of the United States. And though we never went away, brace yourselves: we’re back! 

We are the women who brought this country equal credit, better pay, affirmative action, the concept of a family-focused workplace; the women who established rape-crisis centers and battery shelters, marital-rape and date-rape laws; the women who defended lesbian custody rights, who fought for prison reform, founded the peace and environmental movements; who insisted that medical research include female anatomy; who inspired men to become more nurturing parents; who created women’s studies and Title IX so we all could cheer the WNBA stars and Mia Hamm. We are the women who reclaimed sexuality from violent pornography, who put childcare on the national agenda, who transformed demographics, artistic expression, language itself. We are the women who forged a worldwide movement. We are the proud successors of women who, though it took more than 50 years, won us the vote.

We are the women who now comprise the majority of U.S. voters.

Hillary said she found her own voice in New Hampshire. There’s not a woman alive who, if she’s honest, doesn’t recognize what she means. Then HRC got drowned out by campaign experts, Bill, and media’s obsession with everything Bill.

So listen to her voice:

“For too long, the history of women has been a history of silence. Even today, there are those who are trying to silence our words.

“It is a violation of human rights when babies are denied food, or drowned, or suffocated, or their spines broken, simply because they are born girls. It is a violation of human rights when woman and girls are sold into the slavery of prostitution. It is a violation of human rights when women are doused with gasoline, set on fire and burned to death because their marriage dowries are deemed too small. It is a violation of human rights when individual women are raped in their own communities and when thousands of women are subjected to rape as a tactic or prize of war. It is a violation of human rights when a leading cause of death worldwide along women ages 14 to 44 is the violence they are subjected to in their own homes. It is a violation of human rights when women are denied the right to plan their own families, and that includes being forced to have abortions or being sterilized against their will.

“Women’s rights are human rights. Among those rights are the right to speak freely—and the right to be heard.”

That was Hillary Rodham Clinton defying the U.S. State Department and the Chinese Government at the 1995 UN World Conference on Women in Beijing.

And this voice, age 21, in “Commencement Remarks of Hillary D. Rodham, President of Wellesley College Government Association, Class of 1969.”

“We are, all of us, exploring a world none of us understands. . . searching for a more immediate, ecstatic, and penetrating mode of living. . .  [for the] integrity, the courage to be whole, living in relation to one another in the full poetry of existence. The struggle for an integrated life existing in an atmosphere of communal trust and respect is one with desperately important political and social consequences. . . Fear is always with us, but we just don't have time for it.”

She ended with the commitment “to practice, with all the skill of our being: the art of making possible.”

And for decades, she’s been learning how.

So goodbye to Hillary’s second-guessing herself. The real question is deeper than her re-finding her voice. Can we women find ours? Can we do this for ourselves? 

“Our President, Ourselves!”

Time is short and the contest tightening. We need to rise in furious energy—as we did when Anita Hill was so vilely treated in the U.S. Senate, as we did when Rosie Jiminez was butchered by an illegal abortion, as we did and do for women globally who are condemned for trying to break through. We need to win, this time. Goodbye to supporting HRC tepidly, with ambivalent caveats and apologetic smiles. Time to volunteer, make phone calls, send emails, donate money, argue, rally, march, shout, vote.

Me? I support Hillary Rodham because she’s the best qualified of all candidates running in both parties. I support her because her progressive politics are as strong as her proven ability to withstand what will be a massive right-wing assault in the general election. I support her because she knows how to get us out of Iraq. I support her because she’s refreshingly thoughtful, and I’m bloodied from eight years of a jolly “uniter” with ejaculatory politics. I needn’t agree with her on every point. I agree with the 97 percent of her positions that are identical with Obama’s—and the few where hers are both more practical and to the left of his (like health care). I support her because she’s already smashed the first-lady stereotype and made history as a fine senator, because I believe she will continue to make history not only as the first US woman president, but as a great US president.

As for the “woman thing”?

Me, I’m voting for Hillary not because she’s a woman—but because I am.

Great Poem!!!

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heart aches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace somehow!

Review of A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah

A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah is an eye opening, gut wrenching testament of utmost importance to children around the world that are being enslaved by gorilla warfare. It is estimated that there are about 300,000 child soldiers around the world and this book is the heartbreaking tale of one who survived true unimaginable evils that much of the world is unaware of.

I have read a lot on this subject and this book is the most honest and real account of what actually goes on during these wars in Africa. It took me 9 months to read the first half (100 or so pages) due to the graphic details and horrors that this boy witnessed. I was only able to read a chapter or so at a time, but after several tearful breakdowns I made it through to his rehabilitation and finally to the end and am a better person for it. Knowledge and truth are powerful things and to know what truly is going on in Africa has only made me more determined to help their people. It breaks my heart to think of a mere thirteen year old boy having to face such harsh cruel realities of this world and be caught up in the middle of it.

Ishmael spent several months running from the war after his village was attacked. He got separated from his family who were later burned to death, and was on the run with a few boys he met up with along the way. They barely escaped death and capture by the RUF, or better known as the rebels, several times and witnessed barbaric brutality.

Later he was forced to fight with the army to survive. These innocent boys were taught how to be killers and committed truly terrible acts of cruelty. Doped up on drugs and immune to violence, Ishmael spent almost two years at the front lines of the war. By the stroke of luck he was randomly selected by the UNICEF to be taken to a rehabilitation center. His rehab was long and hard, but in the end he was able to gain back his humanity and learn to forgive himself. He is now 26 years old and living in the United States working for human rights at the UN.

Everybody knows there are wars going on in Africa, maybe you even know about the genocides... but few know the truth about these wars and how they are fought. It is a sin that we, Americans.. the greatest country in the world, have been blinded from these truths and have done little to nothing to stop it. This book is one that I believe everyone should read and hopefully it will touch others as it has touched me and motivate people to do everything they can to bring the use of child soldiers to an end.

Review of The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine

Thomas Paine was one of the most influential writers during the American Enlightenment and The Age of Reason was his most controversial piece. The goal of this book was to call into question the fundamentals of the Christian Religion focusing on the Christian scripture and ultimately undermine the power of the Church.

First you have to take into consideration the time and setting that Paine was in when this was written. It was at the beginning of the American Revolution when the church and state were one. As many know the church didn't exactly have the best intentions and put too much focus on power and money. With that said Paine tried to use The Age of Reason as a political piece as well as religious to sway the government to keep the church separate from the state.

Paine had several insightful ideas in this writing relating to the "Word of God". He holds the belief that the word of God lies in the principles of science in the world around us instead of in written scripture. He argues that the Bible was written by man in human language which there are many and translations between can be easily misunderstood. Why would God choose such an unreliable method to convey his word? Instead Paine sees the word of God in the universal language of the creation which is independent from human language and can be read by any man no matter his speech. It cannot be changed, lost, or skewed by humans... it is eternal.

He supports this theory by trying to discredit the books of the Bible. He starts with the Old Testament and I have to admit he had some very appealing arguments. First he tries to show that the accredited authors did not in fact write the books. To me this is not a pertinent argument. What was more interesting were his arguments about Moses, Samuel, and Joshua. All these men carried out horrific atrocities in the name of the Lord, and even said that God had told them to do it. We look now at all the wars going on and most of the are carried out in the name of God, but I think we can all agree that God is not fighting these wars men are and it is appalling to think that God would want us to treat each other like this and commit this awful acts of violence. If we think this of the wars now, why is it that we accept the same thing from Moses, Samuel, and Joshua. There is an account of one of Moses "wars" where he said:

"Have ye saved all the women alive? Behold, these caused the children of Israel to commit trespass against the Lord in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the Lord. Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known a man by lying with him; but all the women-children that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."

That statement alone makes me question the validity of the Old Testament. Now I don't know what the Christian counter argument is for this. But I believe in a loving God and by the teachings of Jesus, His son and human example, I do not believe in any way that God would have wanted Moses to act in this way. Jesus was about forgiveness and love of all human beings and that is completely opposite of everything Jesus believed in.

I personally don't know what I think about the Old Testament. The Age of Reason has brought to light more reasons for me not to believe it is true, but I don't think it matters if it is true or not. It is about the lessons it teaches us and about the study of our religion and the history of our religion.

Paine's arguments about the New Testament hold much less validity and persuasiveness. They are mere rantings and empty accusations. He calls the Virgin Mary a liar, Jesus a fraud, and the apostles far less than creditable. The New Testament has been quoted one of the most authentic documents of history. Now everyone has the right to their own opinions, but Paine is calling Mary a liar with no proof. Here is the proof that she wasn't lying... I think it would be a big coincidence that Mary lie about how she got pregnant and then that son ended up being the single most influential and important person in human history. Just because she said she was pregnant with the son of God does not mean that that child is going to end up acting like it. Now if he turned out to be a drunk, or craftsman like his father, or farmer, or any normal man then yes, I would agree that Mary was lying... but that is not how he turned out.

The Age of Reason is a book that I think every Christian should read, if for no other reason then to learn the arguments against the Bible and be able to rebut them in a debate. I think it is good to know both sides of an argument. However I think there is a reason that the Bible is the best seller of all time and not The Age of Reason.

Automatic doors make me feel like a badass!!

"You know what I'm talking about. The daunting hallway, the bold stride, the absolute and complete assurance that nothing and nobody can get in your way. People can only hope but stare as you pass by, slightly intimidated by your air of supremacy, without really knowing why until you reach the door, which, facing the sheer force of your burning will, can do naught but remove its own inanimate self from your path, and that's when it hits them- this guy is a freakin badass...
It is the force, my friends... And you, in a plane of existance so far above that of the common spectator, move on unheeding into a world that will open itself up for you, and you alone."

I 100% agree with this statement... walking though automatic doors totally makes me feel like a badass!!

God vs. Science

This has been one of the biggest debates in modern day history... God vs. Science. I have had my own views on this subject, but it wasn't till recently that I read the best way to answer this ongoing argument. I personally believe that this is one of the most ridiculous debates in history.. God and science are not separate but the same. In the book The Age of Reason by Thomas Paine, one of the most influential thinkers of the American Enlightenment, he says:

"God is the mechanic of the universe and so knowledge of God is knowledge of the workings of the universe - geometry, astronomy, physics, and the other sciences. Devotion to these sciences will lead to the knowledge of scientific principles. These are the actual truths of God... It is only in the creation that all our ideas and conceptions of a word of God can unite. The creation speaketh an universal language, independently of human speech or human language, multiplied and various they be. It cannot be forged; it cannot be counterfeited; it cannot be lost; it cannot be altered; it cannot be suppressed. It does not depend upon the will of man whether it shall be published or not; it publishes itself from one end of the earth to the other. It preaches to all nations and to all worlds; and this word of God reveals to man all that is necessary for man to know God"

In other words the principles that govern this world and are applied in various forms of math and science are the true word of God. In science we discover the inner workings of this world He created. The whole debate between God and science stemmed from the inconsistency of scientific theories and religious scripture. I am personally a believer of both, but I must point out to both parties that theories and scripture are both man made. Evolutionist will argue that their theories have proof but how many times in history have we humans believed in scientific theories that later were proven false. Are we to be so arrogant to think that there isn't the slightest possibility that the theories we believe in now might be wrong. And the religious activist will say that the Bible's authors were inspired by God... God told them what to write. But this still means it was written by man and until God speaks to you personally and says He wrote the Bible... we are still believing in what men wrote. And as well all know men are far from infallible.

Now take this into consideration. Can you honestly tell me that when you look around at this world, and as you grow in knowledge about the workings of this world.. that there isn't a higher power? Everything is perfect... from the position of the earth in the universe to the molecules and inner workings of the human body to nature and all her glory... Even the big bang theory, which is widely accepted as the birth of the universe. For example in order for there to be the existence of intelligent life several constants had to be true. Here are three examples from A Case for Faith by Lee Strobel; 1.) if the rate of the universe expansion 1 second after the big bang had been smaller by one part in one hundred thousand million million, the universe would have collapsed. 2.) If the initial conditions of the universe were different by one followed by one thousand billion billion zeros the star systems would not have been able to form. 3.) If the strength in gravity was changed by one part in 10 to the 100th power it would have prevented life permitting universe. (to put this in perspective it is estimated that there are between 10 to the 69th power and 10 to the 81st power atoms in the universe) Knowing this it seems only logical that it was intelligent design that made the universe. Paul Davies, a once aganostic, said "Through my scientific work I have come to believe more and more strongly that the physical universe is put together with an ingenuity so astonishing that I cannot accept it merely as brute fact. There must be, it seems to me, a deeper level of explanation."

You do not need to choose between God and science. It is not a war between one and the other because God is science and science is God. You need look no further than your own backyard or the park around the corner to see the beauty and perfection of this world made and governed by God and science as one.

Getting up in the morning..

I think getting up in the morning is exceedingly close to the worst thing in the world. You know.. next to murder, poverty, war and rape. It's almost a form of torture... I will literally wait till the very last second... until it is absolutely imperative that I get up. Every morning when my alarm goes off it makes me want to cry. The mere act of waking up has made the sound of my alarm, which is chiming clock tower bells, the worst sound in the world for me which in any other circumstance would be wonderfully beautiful and enjoyable music to the ear. And now it literally makes my skin crawl. Its the sound of something horrid to come and evokes all feelings that are negative. The winter multiplies the agony of waking up a thousand times over. Not only are you forced from the bliss of sleep and the land of dreaming but you then have to get out of your warm comfortable bed (which at the time is the only place in the world that you care to be) and enter the open air. And you wonder how in the world the icy winds of the artic made their way into your bedroom. All you can do to escape certain frost bite is run to the shower. And why at these times does the shower water take years to heat up. Even the water is against you in the morning. So I conclude that early mornings are awful things that are no doubt controlled by the powers of all evil.

Review of War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning by Chris Hedges

War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning by Chris Hedges is a deeply insightful and a provocative and illuminating anatomy of war. It unveils war for what it truly is; organized murder disguised as a myth that gives us meaning to our lives. Hedges uses his own war experiences from the 15 years he spent as a foreign correspondent to address and gives light to the realities of war.

I have previously posted a blog about the addictiveness of war, which was also influenced by this book. After finishing, I realize that that statement is only partly true. War is a drug and "a force that gives us meaning" to our lives, but only to those who haven't yet faced the true horrors of war... those who still believe the myth of war. That war is full of heroes and glory. That killing is quick and painless. That in the face of danger we will act brave and selflessly. All this is not the real nature of war. In reality the atrocities of war are more horrid than anything I want to write about and if you are really interested in real war stories I suggest this book, In the Hot Zone by Kevin Sites, or The Things They Carried by Tim O'brien.

Hedges concludes that in the end the meaning that war gives our lives is superficial and short lived. The feeling of honor and glory is a lie. The only true way to find meaning in your life is through love. Love gives us the two things human being strive their entire life to find... happiness and meaning. It is the only way to compete with the drug that is war. It is the only way to compete with the corruption, atrocities, and mental and physical destruction that stems from war. "We need to recognize love in the lives of others, even those with whom we are in conflict, love that is like our own. It does not mean we will avoid war or death. It does not mean that we as distinct individuals will survive. But love, in its mystery, has its own power. It alone gives us meaning that endures. It along allows us to embrace and cherish life. Love has power both to resist in our nature what we know we must resist, and to affirm what we know we must affirm. And love, as the poets remind us, is eternal."

What's up with the asian writing systems??

Why can't these languages just be like everyone else and use letters. Why do they have to be difficult and use little picture things that all freaking look the same. I mean when you are learning to read as a child you can't "sound it out" like we tell all our kids. You just have to know what the symbol is. Granted I have never tried to learn Chinese or Japanese (and I would very much like to learn Japanese considering its half of what I am) but it doesn't seem as though there is much structure... or at least I can't imagine how there could be that much structure. Like how do you differentiate between verbs and nouns and such. Does the little symbol for run, ran, running, etc. all look similar, completely different, or are they the same? How do you write questions... or even sentences... cause I don't think I have ever seen any punctuation in Chinese or Japanese writing. It is just so foreign and weird to me. Most other languages have the same writing system. We have symbols (or letters) for a sound and then combine them to make or spell out a word. Why can't the Japanese be like everyone else and make it more simple so I can learn? Why does my culture have to be so difficult? If only I was spanish... french... or OOOOO Italian!! I've always wanted to know Italian.. its such a pretty language.. and they use LETTERS!! The same letters as english no less... not like the Greek letters. I mean really, what does delta sound like... or omega? But even the weird Greek letters are better than the Japanese symbols!

Best prank ever!

I think I'm going to add this to my "life's to-do list". Number 103 - to pull off a massive prank that will receive online viral attention!

War is a drug

I am currently reading a book called "War is a Force that Gives us Meaning" and it talks about how war is a drug. We get addicted to the chaos and high that war inflicts on us. We become intrigued and sucked into the myth of war that the movies and the press portray and blinds us from what it really is, organized murder. Just in the 1990's 62 million people died from the wars being fought all over the world. 62 million! Many of the wars were for petty reasons.

You can say there are two sides to every war but they are two and the same. Both sides believe they are just, they are the right that needs to fix the wrong. Both sides paint the opposing as pure evil and it is their duty to destroy it. By believing that the enemy is evil and corrupt this war that they are now engaged in give them meaning to their lives. The soldiers who go against all logic and thrust themselves into eminent danger, knowing they very well might die today, do this willingly because they believe they are fighting for a cause, they are fighting for their country, they are fighting for the man next to him... and therefore their otherwise insignificant lives now have meaning.

Humans are fighters by nature. Even on an individual level we are all fighters. Anytime someone publicly insults you, there becomes this desire to inflict pain on them. And more often than not, boys (yes i say only boys cause girls fight on a mental level and rarely engage in physical fighting) act on that instinct and we get a fight... at school... at a bar... at a concert... wherever... and for reasons the rest of us probably don't understand.

I have to admit I am drawn to fighting in movies... but I hate fighting in real life. Try to figure that out. Some of my favorite movies are 300 or Green Street Hooligans. Both completely about fighting and I am intrigued by the characters for their triumphs and bravery.. and their sheer macho-savage-tough-guyness. I eat it up! And then there is real life where I dated one of these fighters guys and hated it... and wound up ending it with him because of the fighting.

I have seen fights and I personally don't understand it, but there was a line in Green Street Hooligans that stuck with me. The movie is about soccer gangs in England that just fight other soccer gangs and the main character said "It's not about knowing your friends have your back, its about knowing you have theirs"

Michael Stone's Story

The first time I heard this story was at a previous job. They were trying to motivate us to work harder or whatever... where as this story might not have motivated me at that particular job, it has definitely inspired me in other aspects of my life and think it should be shared... so here it is...

His palms were sweating. He needed a towel to dry his grip. A glass of ice water quenched his thirst, but hardly cooled his intensity. The Astroturf he was sitting on was as hot as the competition he faced today at the National Junior Olympics. The crossbar was set at 17 feet. That was three inches higher than his personal best. Michael Stone confronted the most challenging day of his pole-vaulting career.

The stands were still filled with about 20,000 people even though the final race had ended an hour earlier. The pole vault is truly the glamour event of any track-and-field competition. It combines the grace of a gymnast with the strength of a body builder. It also has the element of flying, and the thought of flying as high as a two-story building is a mere fantasy to anyone watching such an event. Today and now, it is not only Michael Stone's reality and dream -- it is his quest.

As long as Michael could remember, he had always dreamed of flying. Michael's mother read him numerous stories about flying when he was growing up. Her stories were always ones that described the land from a bird's eye view. Her excitement and passion for details made Michael's dreams full of color and beauty. Michael had this one recurring dream. He would be running down a country road. He could feel the rocks and chunks of dirt at his feet. As he raced down the golden-lined wheat fields, he always out-ran the locomotives passing by. It was at the exact moment he took a deep breath that he lifted off the ground. He would soar like an eagle.

Where he flew always coincided with his mother's stories. Wherever he flew was with a keen eye for detail and the free spirit of his mother's love. His dad, on the other hand, was not a dreamer. Bert Stone was a hardcore realist. He believed in hard work and sweat. His motto: If you want something, work for it!

From the age of 14, Michael did just that. He began a very careful and regimented weight-lifting program. He worked out every other day with weights, with some kind of running work on alternate days. The program was carefully monitored by Michael's coach, trainer and father. Michael's dedication, determination and discipline were a coach's dream. Besides being an honor student and only child, Michael Stone continued to help his parents with their farm chores. Michael's persistence in striving for perfection was not only has obsession but his passion.

Mildred Stone, Michael's mother, wished he could relax a bit more and be that "free dreaming" little boy. On one occasion she attempted to talk to him and his father about this, but his dad quickly interrupted, smiled and said, "You want something: work for it!"

All of Michael's vaults today seemed to be the reward for his hard work. If Michael Stone was surprised, thrilled or arrogant about clearing the bar at 17 feet, you couldn't tell. As soon as he landed on the inflated landing mat, and with the crowd on their feet, Michael immediately began preparing for his next attempt at flight. He seemed oblivious of the fact he had just surpassed his personal best by one foot and that he was one of the final two competitors in the pole-vaulting event at the National Junior Olympics.

When Michael cleared the bar at 17 feet, 2 inches and 17 feet, 4 inches, again he showed no emotion. Constant preparation and determination were his vision. As he lay on his back and heard the crowd moan, he knew the other vaulter had missed his final jump. He knew it was time for his final jump. Since the other vaulter had fewer misses, Michael needed to clear this vault to win. A miss would get him second place. Nothing to be ashamed of, but Michael would not allow himself the thought of not winning first place.

He rolled over and did his ritual of three finger-tipped push-ups along with three Marine-style push-ups. He found his pole, stood and stepped on the runway that led to the most challenging event of his 17-year-old life.

The runway felt different this time. It startled him for a brief moment. Then it all hit him like a wet bale of hay. The bar was set at nine inches higher than his personal best. That's only one inch off the national record, he thought. He began to get nervous. Fear would be a more accurate description. What was he going to do? He had never experienced these feelings. Then out of nowhere, and from the deepest depths of his soul, he envisioned his mother. Why now? What was his mother doing in his thoughts at a time like this? It was simple. His mother always used to tell him that when you felt tense, anxious, or even scared, to take deep breaths.

So he did. Along with shaking the tension from his legs, he gently laid his pole at his feet. He began to stretch out his arms and upper body. The light breeze that was once there was now gone. He could feel a trickle of cold sweat running down his back. He carefully picked up his pole. He felt his heart pounding. He was sure the crowd did, too. The silence was deafening. When he heard the singing of some distant robins in flight, he knew it was his time to fly.

As he began sprinting down the runway, something felt wonderfully different, yet familiar. The surface below him felt like the country road he used to dream about. The rocks and chunks of dirt, the visions of the golden wheat fields seemed to fill his thoughts. When he took a deep breath, it happened. He began to fly. His take-off was effortless. Michael Stone was now flying, just like in his childhood dreams. Only this time he knew he wasn't dreaming. This was real. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. The air around him was the purest and freshest he had ever sensed. Michael was soaring with the majesty of an eagle.

It was either the eruption of the people in the stands or the thump of his landing that brought Michael back to earth. On his back with that wonderful hot sun on his face, he could only envision the smile on his mother's face. He knew his dad was probably smiling too, even laughing. Bert would always do that when he got excited: smile and then sort of giggle. What he didn't know was that his dad was hugging his wife and crying. That's right: Bert "if-you-want-it-work-for-it" Stone was crying like a baby in his wife's arms. He was crying harder than Mildred had ever seen before. She also knew he was crying the greatest tears of all: tears of pride. Michael was immediately swarmed with people hugging and congratulating him on the greatest accomplishment thus far in his life. He later went on that day to clear 17 feet 6 ½ inches: National and International Junior Olympics Record.

With all the media attention, endorsement possibilities and swarming herds of heartfelt congratulations, Michael's life would never be the same. It wasn't just because he won the National Junior Olympics and set a new world record. And it wasn't because he had just increased his personal best by 9 ½ inches. It was simply because Michael Stone is blind.

That is one of my favorite stories... can you just imagine being blind and pole vaulting... having to judge the distance of the runway and where to place the pole... and hurtling yourself in the air... all with out the ability to see. This guy amazes me in every possible way and I just wanted to share it.

Next step in my life...

In august my lease will be up on my apartment... and what to do and where to live next has been haunting me for awhile. I had planned to move to London... however after doing some research I realized it will be next to impossible to find a job there. Apparently your employer has to apply for your working visa and when they do that they have to prove they did everything in their power to try to fill the job with a citizen and couldn't. And the job market is so intense in London that there is rarely a situation where they wouldn't be able to fill the position with a citizen.

So my choices are to stay in San Diego, move back to the bay area, or go somewhere new. I have always wanted to live abroad, but only for a year or two.. and that makes it hard to find a good job. Besides London, I would have to go somewhere where they speak English... like Australia.

I love it here in San Diego. No where else can compete with this weather, there is so much to do here, as well as wonderful people. But alot of my friends that I have here are moving away and I haven't been able to find a job that I like.

Then, there is the bay area. All of my best friends are going to be there next year.. and where I don't really want to go back there so soon I think I might feel left out if I don't. I love all my friends that are going to be there... they are some of the best people I know. And I could live at home for awhile save some money and then buy a condo (which I really want to do cause the market is so good right now to buy).

So there is my dilemma. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping it will just come to me in time. I guess if I find a good job that I like, I'll stay here. Just wait to see where my life takes me...

Difference in engine sounds?

Today I was lying by the bay reading and a boat drove by, and the sound of the boat made me feel at eaze... almost peaceful. Where as the sound of cars literally stresses me out. Not, I have a deadline, or a presentation im not prepared for, or final exam stress... but it definitely adds a little bit of stress to my life. This is very inconvenient considering I live in a city, even more so because my apartment faces a busy road that with the speed of the cars can only be categorized as a highway. Its funny how two sounds which are so similar can evoke such different feelings. Of course these feelings stem from my favorite place in the whole world, my childhood lake house. Its out in the middle of nowhere so the only sounds that can be heard are nature and the engines of boats and jetskies alike. Because of this I will always be filled with peace and happiness at the sound of a boat engine... to the point where I have decided most definitely I will be living on a lake where I will be listening to the sound of boats and NOT cars!

All because he called..

I miss having a crush. Having someone to look forward to when I get up in the morning. Having someone to get ready for and get excited about. My world could be crumbling at my feet and just a simple call from a crush would bring a smile to my face. Knowing that he was thinking of me makes me tingle inside, and at the sight of his name flashing on my phone brings butterflies to my stomach, a sensation that can not be understood simply from a description but must be experienced. I choke up on my words from the jitters I get by speaking with him and chills arrive all through out my body as though I were sitting outside in the snow. I could sit and talk to him for hours because the sound of his voice brings me warmth and comfort and I know that everything will be ok. And even after we hang up, I am still cursed with a smile that even with effort wont fade away, all because he called.

Review of Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren

Everything Must Change, by Brian McLaren, is a almost revolutionary book about a movement of hope. It uses the life and teachings of Jesus to address the major global problems in our world today and what we can do about it. McLaren shows us a fresh and provocative vision of Jesus and his message, and how it "can infuse us with purpose and passion to address the economic, environmental, military, political, and social dysfunction that have over taken our world."

Where this book does focus on the teachings of Jesus, the reader, by no means has to be Christian to find this book interesting and insightful. Even people who do not believe Jesus was the son of God and our Savior still can't deny he was in fact an amazing person with an important message for all of us. McLaren uses this message to teach us how to make this world a better place. He points out all the major problems in this world and the suicidal framework that guide our lives.

His view of Jesus's message is exactly what I believe in, which some churches have lost sight of. McLaren suggests that Jesus's message was not only about the afterlife but about life here on earth as well, and his teachings were meant for us to use as guidance to fix the problems on earth. A message to help us change the world.

"Everything Must change invites us to imagine what would happen:

• if people of faith moved beyond political polarization and a few hot button issues to the deeper questions nobody is asking
• if the worlds leading nations spent less on weapons and more on peace making, poverty alleviation, and creation care
• if a renewed understanding of Jesus and his message sparked a profound spiritual awakening in a global movement of faith, hope, and love
• if we believed that God's will really could be done on earth and not just in heaven"

What is it about some guys??

I have been talking to a few of my girlfriends and we were discussing that essence that some guys have that make them so attractive. It has nothing to do with their looks.. or even with their personality.. it is just with the way they carry themselves. I don't know what it is or how to explain it, but any girl will know what I am talking about. You can tell instantly, just by the way a guy walks if he has IT or not. Its the air around him, his mere presence, the way everyone around him takes notice when he is there... its his sheer confidence. And I mean true confidence, not cockiness. One that is truly confident does not need to boast. A good is example is any "leader" of a group. The leaders usually always have it. I don't know if this comes natural to some people, or if you learn it... either way some have it and some don't. You would think whatever this is, would come with physical attractiveness.. but that is not the case. There are plenty of extremely attractive guys that do NOT have it, and there are some not so hot guys that do have it. Its the guys that seem to always land girls appearing to be out of their league. One of my good guy friends, who will remain nameless, is a prime example of someone who has it. He's attractive, but not super hot... he has a great personality, but not one that would necessarily charm girls... but he has IT... that presence... that confidence... that magnetic pull that you cant seem to resist.

True love...

Everybody has their own dreams, to be a famous actor, win a Grammy, be a doctor, be successful… what I dream of is true love. I dream of the day when I meet that one person who will give me what I always wanted. I’ve been waiting all my life for that moment where everything comes together, and in one touch, one smile, one kiss, one glance, you know that your suppose to spend the rest of your life with that person. From wishing I was the princess in all the fairy tales who gets rescued by her prince charming, to watching “a wedding story” and dreaming of the day I say “I do”, I have spent my life hoping for that feeling of being able to conquer anything while in their presence. Being able to stand in a crowd and not notice anybody else because to you, he is everything and you are everything to him. The freedom of jealousy, doubt, and fear, for in true love there is no need for these things, instead there is a feeling completeness, warmth, compassion, and all things that are good. You feel completely grounded and at the same time like you have been lifted off the earth and are floating above everyone else, wondering whether it is possible that heaven could be better than this. I dream of the little things… eating dinner together, cuddling in front of the TV, the feeling like you’ve been kissed for the first time, and waking up every morning next to him, knowing that even in pj’s with no makeup on and ratted hair that he thinks your beautiful.... that is what I dream of.

Review of His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman, better known as the Golden Compass series, is an exciting and imaginative tale of adventures, witches, prophecies, battles, magic and other worlds. It is an extremely well written and engaging book. With that said the rest of my review is not about the story itself or how well it was written, but about the underlying religious and political implications. The author Philip Pullman is a known atheist and the controversy around this series was ignited with the release of the motion picture The Golden Compass, the first book in the three part series. His Dark Materials has previously been compared to C.S. Lewis's series The Chronicles of Narnia. Now I haven't read all the books of the Chronicles of Narnia, but I know that they are children's stories that mirror the books and stories of the Bible.

After reading His Dark Materials, I am confused about Pullmans religious status. Atheist believe that there is no God or higher power at all, however His Dark Materials centers around the Christian religion. Instead of being an atheist (if the book truly mirrors his beliefs), he seems to believe in God, Angels, the Bible, and an afterlife. Of course his views are very skewed from what Christians believe in. For example, in the books God or the Authority, the ruler of the Kingdom of Heaven is not the creator. He is the first angel that came into being. Secondly, the land of the dead is a desolate place of nothing, where everything that dies goes... murderers, rapist, Christians, monks... everyone. There is no heaven or hell... only the land of the dead.

In the end, the main characters kill the Authority. I took this as a symbol for his desire to end all religion. Through out the books he makes the Church the "bad guys". Saying that the Church is always doing horrific things in the name of God, and the root of his justification for getting rid of religion all together.

This book is a great example of how people misconstrue religion, especially the Christian religion. I cant speak for what has been done in the past. The Church has definitely been in the wrong several times, and will most definitely be wrong again. But this isn't the work of God, it is people, and people are imperfect. Christians get a bad rep for the work of a few and that is not what being a Christian is suppose to be about.

I don't pretend to be the perfect Christian, in fact I am still learning what this really means and I have a long way to go. I haven't even read the entire Bible (which I think every Christian should do, because how are you going to say you believe in something when you don't even know what it is all about). What I do know is what Jesus was all about, and that is loving and caring for people, helping those in need and trying to make this world a better place... and I do believe in that. Being Christian is being bound by those morals that guide your faith and your life. I definitely don't lead the perfect Christian life, there are many vices that I choose to indulge such as drinking, partying, swearing occasionally... but I do try to live morally with my faith. If Philip Pullman, or anyone else for that matter, thinks this is in anyway wrong please indulge me. I would love to hear your argument, and that is not meant to sound sarcastic. I would genuinely like to learn your views.

Finally I would like to say that I am shocked this is considered a children's book, and that Philip Pullman would intend it in that way. It is a good story, but there are ideas in it that a child should not be exposed to. It takes away the innocent and unwavering faith that children possess, and I'm not talking about faith in God alone, but faith in all things... faith in angels, santa clause, ghosts, the tooth fairy... children don't think angels are real... they know with every fiber in their being. This book questions the very morals that faith is bound too. It questions what we have faith in, questions that shouldn't be asked until adulthood.

Hot chocolate...

A story to go with my last post and something to think about... enjoy!

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups-porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite -- telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking; expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each others cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot
chocolate we have.

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.